i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
