toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
