it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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