Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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