Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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