I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually