Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fuck your aforementioned shoe
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF