Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  So drunk i had to piss sitting down...

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  (803): So drunk i had to piss sitting down... http://tfl.nu/050t
  Replies (7) Good night (1020) Bad night (468)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.

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  (520): i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple. http://tfl.nu/a9o6
  Replies (7) Good night (1830) Bad night (595)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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  (609): Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine. http://tfl.nu/cx6r
  Replies (17) Good night (7030) Bad night (610)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday

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  (785): This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday http://tfl.nu/tvj7
  Replies (23) Good night (5945) Bad night (773)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent

  (770): View more from Georgia

  don't you ever do that...

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  (404): i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent (770): don't you ever do that... http://tfl.nu/61yw
  Replies (29) Good night (4506) Bad night (935)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.

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  (516): and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars. http://tfl.nu/d908
  Replies (13) Good night (5557) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents

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  (563): oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents http://tfl.nu/iqnb
  Replies (8) Good night (3069) Bad night (894)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.

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  (724): you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles. http://tfl.nu/nryc
  Replies (5) Good night (2689) Bad night (923)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

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  (704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6
  Replies (13) Good night (4213) Bad night (1304)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet

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  (517): I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet http://tfl.nu/acf5
  Replies (1) Good night (2240) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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  (224): I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!". http://tfl.nu/pw3u
  Replies (8) Good night (3222) Bad night (721)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps

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  (609): Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps http://tfl.nu/8xhn
  Replies (5) Good night (2470) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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  (561): Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?! http://tfl.nu/98de
  Replies (13) Good night (1147) Bad night (554)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?

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  (313): Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise? http://tfl.nu/m7ic
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times

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  (602): Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times http://tfl.nu/cj8x
  Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (202)

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