Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.