I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.