Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

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  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
  Replies (13) Good night (4954) Bad night (980)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

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  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (46) Good night (10426) Bad night (1579)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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  (502): At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man http://tfl.nu/m2kp
  Replies (12) Good night (3193) Bad night (1009)
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  (925): View more from California

  I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.

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  (925): I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible. http://tfl.nu/f1y0
  Replies (7) Good night (4007) Bad night (968)
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  (909): View more from California

  that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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  (909): that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though http://tfl.nu/jicr
  Replies (4) Good night (2298) Bad night (851)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

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  (605): So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever http://tfl.nu/ken4
  Replies (16) Good night (3752) Bad night (1216)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.

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  (808): I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup. http://tfl.nu/a5xy
  Replies (4) Good night (943) Bad night (1699)
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  (408): View more from California

  The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.

  (408): View more from California

  You've ruined television for me.

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  (408): The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it. (408): You've ruined television for me. http://tfl.nu/32ek
  Replies (4) Good night (2682) Bad night (1015)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car

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  (443): dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car http://tfl.nu/5sre
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (824)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.

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  (515): He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up. http://tfl.nu/h6j3
  Replies (10) Good night (596) Bad night (1548)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"

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  (717): all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever" http://tfl.nu/t8bi
  Replies (7) Good night (398) Bad night (1450)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?

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  (309): Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs? http://tfl.nu/hddn
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (422)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.

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  (337): he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy. http://tfl.nu/oyxi
  Replies (5) Good night (1088) Bad night (464)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna

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  (941): im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna http://tfl.nu/nksh
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (476)
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  (916): View more from California

  There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE

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  (916): There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE http://tfl.nu/puex
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (432)

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