Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.