Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.