Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
