She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.