My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning