white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep