i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.