Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He has the fingertips of a God
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