I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
