Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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