i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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