is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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