Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
