he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
