I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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