Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
