Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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