Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
