Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
