her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
