Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
