I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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