she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
