So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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