i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
