i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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