thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
