I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
