I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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