New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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