apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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