Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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