i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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