Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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