My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
