So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
