do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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