Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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