i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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