I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
