in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love you. Go after that dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
