I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
