you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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