They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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