Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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