Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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