I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
