My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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