so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
