you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize