we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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