I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
