If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
