He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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