So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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