singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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