i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
