look no pants
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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