I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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