I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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