Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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