Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
