I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im six kinds of drunk right now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
