we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
