I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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